Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
