he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
