just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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