just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
