If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
worst night to have a conscience
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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