Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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