Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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