probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
