he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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