i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
