I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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