We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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