he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
