I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
