so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize