Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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