I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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