it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
