last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
