sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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