Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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