she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
