I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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