Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
