Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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