I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
