He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
