textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm too high and old for this...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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