i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
