If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
