your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just gargled with NyQuil
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
