Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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