actually, I'm a sock model
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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