So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
