Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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