When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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