I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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