I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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