lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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