Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you made out with another girl for some wings
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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