Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
