I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
honey bunches of taint.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize