Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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