She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
