3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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