I am in a vortex of obligation.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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