My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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