Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?