I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it