Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.