i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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