'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
