I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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