someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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