I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
