Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
