I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
