Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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