I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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