Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
