I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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