Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
